The holiday season is upon us.  Yes, we do know that we should be thankful and that Jesus is the reason for the Season, and all of the other expectation we have of each other during this time. The holiday season for most people is a fun time of the year filled with parties, celebrations, and social gatherings with family and friends.

But what about those that are grieving a loss of a loved one, or the memory thereof. What about those who are expected to buy the most, cook the most, be the hostest with the mostest, despite how they feel?

What about those that experience loneliness, or those with the Scrooge syndrome?

Behind the smiling busy faces, and behind the bah hum bug grimaces, there may be a hurting person.

 For many people, the holiday season is a time filled with sadness, self-reflection, loneliness, and anxiety.

Some of the  sources of holiday sadness are stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial stress, and the inability to be with family and friends.

I encourage you (and myself as well) to balance the demands of shopping, parties, family obligations, and house guests so that they won’t contribute to feelings of being overwhelmed. Even people who do not view themselves as depressed may develop stress responses, like headaches, excessive drinking, overeating and insomnia.

So let’s kick this season off being aware of the holiday blues and what they may bring.  Let us focus on being thankful for our lives, wherever you may be. An attitude of gratitude is one of the first steps to shifting the atmosphere around you.  Of course this is the month of thanksgiving, a perfect time to reflect on your blessings and to be a blessing.

“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”

– 1 Thessalonians 5:18(NIV)

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18(NIV)

As this month’s observance of domestic violence comes to an end, domestic violence doesn’t end.

Some statistics indicate 57 million suffer from mental illness as a result of domestic abuse.

50%of women who live with a mental illness have previously experienced some sort of trauma, such as physical and sexual abuse in childhood and/or adulthood.

Domestic violence can cause an adverse ripple effect on the emotional and psychological state of a survivor.

Panic attacks, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), substance abuse, depression, anxiety, are all ignited by domestic violence.

Children exposed to domestic abuse are at risk for developmental delay, psychiatric disorders, school difficulties, aggressive behaviors and low self esteem.

STATISTICS (cited from the Florida Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

54% to 84% battered women suffer from PTSD

63% to 77% experience depression

38% to 75% experience anxiety

Abuse is opposed to the ruling principle of God’s unselfish love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 says, ” Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud  or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” (NLT)

Love doesn’t hurt.

Abusive people can not know or love God. 1John4:7-8 says, ” Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.  But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

God gives instructions for a Christian household in the Bible in Colossians 3:18-23: ”

 “Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.

 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord.  Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”

It has been known that the “a” part of verse 18 has been used in abusive situations!

But also note that the “b” part says “as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord” . In other words for those who are obedient to the Word of God. If a husband is abusing his wife, that is not “fitting for those who belong to the Lord”!

In the last blog, we pointed out types of abuse, and verbal abuse was listed among them.

I like what Proverbs 13:3 says, ” Those who control their tongue will have a long life;
opening your mouth can ruin everything. ” An unruly mouth, one that is prone to name calling, insults, constant criticism, threats, definitely ruins everything!

Victims of abuse often feel guilty as if they have done something to provoke their abuser or that they somehow deserve the abuse. Abusers are often skillful at making their victims feel responsible.

No one deserves to be abused

Abusers will be held accountable for their actions, even if they don’t think so.

9 times out of 10 an abuser was also abused.

Hurt people, hurt people. This doesn’t provide any excuse for abuse, it just reveals a deep need for people to be healed and made whole.

There is comfort in the Word of God for those who have been broken, for those who are afraid, be encouraged by the Word of God. Read Psalm 91:1-16.

Proverbs 3:24-26 “You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly.You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.”

There is help and hope for you, or for someone you know who is need…

Don’t be a statistic………

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1 800 799 7233

(Scriptures referenced are from the New Living Translation)

Hurt: unhappiness, sadness caused by someone’s words, or actions; to cause physical pain.

October has been deemed as Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In observance of this month we want to stay aware of what hurts, the types of domestic abuse that may lead to domestic violence. Domestic abuse includes physical and/or emotional or mental abuse. There is also Sexual Abuse, Financial Abuse, Digital Abuse and Spiritual Abuse.

As we know, PHYSICAL abuse may consist of being punched, slapped, kicked, choked, hair pulling. It may start with a little shove, or even a firm arm grip. Physical abuse progresses.

EMOTIONAL (which includes VERBAL and MENTAL abuse) includes name calling, insults, unconstructive criticism, isolation, threats, gaslighting which is making you feel like you’re crazy or making you question your sanity or perception of reality.

SEXUAL abuse, when you’re forced or manipulated into having sex or performing sexual acts, usually with aggressive behavior

FINANCIAL abuse when you’re denied access to money or you’re given an allowance and receipts are demanded or someone lives in the home and refuses to contribute, causing you to carry all of the financial weight.

DIGITAL Abuse: constant negative or insulting texts, emails, or messages. Bullying on social media.

SPIRITUAL Abuse which is noted as the mistreatment of a person who is in need of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment with the result of weakening, manipulating, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment

Abuse is not okay. No matter what form. Abuse is trauma. Trauma leads to mental health issues like PTSD, depression, anxiety. It can lead to alcohol and drug abuse. The effects of abuse affects relationships with friends, with family, with coworkers.

If your spirit has been broken. If you have been bound and abused. There is help and hope for you through wise counsel and resources.

Know that love doesn’t hurt….

If you are or have been abused in some way, or know someone who needs help, there are resources like the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233,

I pray God gives you guidance, courage, wisdom and understanding……

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound”

– Isaiah 61:1

What happened to me?

I finally began to acknowledge my pain.  What was causing me so much hurt? After years of thinking I was over it and I was a survivor, I kept getting hit so much, that it became a way of life for me, being a survivor.  God doesn’t just desire us to survive, but desires that we thrive, that we have abundant life.

“I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” –  John 10:10b (NKJV)

I became a functional wounded individual.  Even though I was raised in the church and had accepted salvation, I still stressed, I still worried, I still made bad choices, and decisions, and I was always in survival mode.

And then I start acknowledging my pain, and processing it.

Sometimes we know what has hurt us, but we don’t process it through. We “sweep it under the rug”.  At some point it is only so much dirt that can hide up under the rug!

I have memories of being sexually abused at a young age by an older relative. For years I felt shame and embarrassment.  I felt fearful. I felt confused.  I knew it wasn’t right, but who could I tell?  He threatened to harm my mom and my sister.  When I look back over a series of traumatic instances in my life, yes it hurt to remember.  But as I realized, I wasn’t that fearful child anymore, as I embraced the person that God created, not the abused child.  I began to move past that pain.

I began to identify the emotional wounds in my life.  There was more trauma, and I was hit pretty hard at times. But I began to dress the wounds with the positive things in my life.  I began to emotionally bind the wounds that I had suffered with for so long, with God’s help.  Wounds that affected every area in my life! Relationships, Education, Work, Parenting, Marriage! I began to exercise my faith in God to keep me!  I began to understand that I had purpose and the Enemy wanted to yoke me early in life (as John 10:10a says “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy…”). And as long as I had just a little crack in my spiritual armor, every time something was thrown my way, I crumbled like a saltine cracker! So I had to continue pressing in on the emotional injuries in my life.

And I did it moving….

Don’t let anything stop you from seeking healing.  But healing is a choice.  If you identify some areas in your life that are totally chaotic, step back and see if you can identify the source.  Often times we become the creators of our own chaos because we refuse to look at the person in the mirror.  The person that has been emotionally wounded….

It’s time to be healed….

We have established that a wound is an injury derived from an outside source. So let’s talk about emotional wounds. They are also derived from an outside source. But unlike physical wounds that heal sometimes with or without a scar, emotional wounds leave you absolutely scarred, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.

Most often emotional wounds result from trauma, a deeply distressing or disturbing experience. Typical emotional responses to trauma are shock, denial, unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships. There may even be physical symptoms like headaches and nausea.

Reflecting on the fact that this month is Domestic Violence Awareness month, I want to point out one of the most prevalent causes of emotional trauma, domestic abuse. It comes in the form of physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, and financial abuse. Think about being a child and every day your parent(s) slap you, punch you, beat you, yell at you, call you names, for no apparent reason. You become fearful, or you become a bully yourself, because you are angry at your parents, and you don’t understand why you’re treated that way. It seems the norm in your household because it happens so frequently whether you do something wrong or not. So you grow up with low self esteem. Thinking that you deserve that type of treatment. You grow up longing for love and looking for it in the wrong places. You grow up thinking ‘no one is ever gonna treat me like that again’ and become defensive in relationships. You eventually become an abuser. Or you become fearful and look for protection and usually end up with an abuser continuing in what you know. The trauma continues, the physical wounds, the emotional wounds, the cover ups, the excuses. You feel embarrassed, or you feel guilty, as if it is your fault. The wounds affect you in every area of your life. Your mental health is affected. As I may have mentioned before there are many types of trauma. Natural disasters, devastating events like fires, etc. Seeing someone murdered, being raped, car accidents, being in battle and suffering from injury, losing a limb, cancer, or other types of physical ailments, death(s).

So my question to you is “What happened to you?” One of the first steps to healing is acknowledging the pain and it’s origin. Why are you so angry? Why do you seemed to be attracted to people who use you and manipulate you? Why do you use and manipulate people? Why are you so fearful? Why do you focus on negativity? Why do you tell lies? There are so many behavioral responses to trauma that cause us to remain emotionally wounded, I could go on…. The first step on this journey is acknowledging, “What happened to me?”

 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
    he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. – Psalm 34:18 (NLT)

The dictionary defines wounded as “being inflicted with a wound”.

Okay, fine, but what is a wound?

The dictionary defines a wound as an injury to living tissues caused by a cut, blow or impact typically one in which the skin is cut or broken; an injury from a source outside of itself.

An injury results from some type of harm done to someone, or oneself.

What comes to mind when you think of something wounded?

I think of soldiers in war, in battle, being hit by the enemies weapons. Some soldiers get medical attention and the wounds are healed. Some perish because the wounds are so severe,.

The injuries are initiated by a traumatic experience. Whether they are hit by bombs are actually witness devastation.

But you say, what does this have to do with this blog or with me?

In all of our innocence we are born into a world of calamity. Born into sin unknowingly. But because our presence in this earth has been destined by God, we are still born with purpose.

Jeremiah 1 says, “For I knew you in your mothers womb”. Born with purpose to be great. But the devil, Satan, who roars about seeking who he can devour roams about trying to thwart the purpose in our lives. And this is achieved by us being wounded. Being injured from a source outside of ourselves.

Injuries starting in our formative years. Molestation, Physical abuse, verbal abuse, substandard living, poverty, racism, rape, losses.

This is where the wounds begin. The enemy tries to yoke us at an early age to hinder our success, to hinder our purpose, to destroy us.

But many of these situations are not addressed. Our cultures, our pride, shame, fear, keeps us from addressing these harmful situations, and they become wounds. Wounds that don’t get medical attention. Wounds that break through the perceived protection that we have, a parent that turns a blind eye to abuse because they may have been abused, or they fear losing something if they react. We become hurt people who continue to hurt others. We make choices and decisions based on our wounds because we let those sores determine our value. We yield to emotions measured by our abuse and react to life situations in negative ways. Even if we feel that we are in a safety zone, such as church or family. But there are wounded people there as well.

We have to address the source outside of ourselves.

Who hurt you, who cut in on your life?

We have to start processing the pain to get through it.

This blog may not answer all of your questions, but it should start a thought process in you to lead you to your healing, to lead you to overcoming obstacles in your life that may stem from being wounded.

Let the conversation begin……

Have you ever been wounded?

Have you ever been hurt?

Have you ever been healed?

Or should I ask are you healed?

Welcome to a journey of healing, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

I have come to understand that healing is a choice. No one can force you to heal. But in order to move through life with the purpose and precision that God has destined for you, you must heal.

So often things that happen to us our “swept under the rug” and we continue on in life, business as usual. Guilt, shame, and defeat, hide perfectly behind our outward presentation.

I started this blog to share my journey of healing, and to encourage you to join me as you are possibly are on your own journey.

Let us stand on the promises of God:

“I will give you back your health and heal your wounds, says the Lord….”

– Jeremiah 30:17 (NLT)

Sincerely,

Dea Clayton

@deaclayton #deaclayton #whh

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton